Mary Graham's Birth {The Story}

To read the backstory on Mary Graham's birth, click here.
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Saturday, December 28th marked the last weekend before my family would all fly back home to Virginia.  I was 40 weeks, 5 days pregnant with no signs of impending labor.  That evening, Philip, along with my mom and our kids went to Sacramento for a holiday light show.  Feeling rather tired and thinking I'd prefer to stick close to home should baby decide to come, I stayed behind with my dad.  We went downtown and picked up dinner from a fun little place that only serves grilled cheese sandwiches (so cool, right?), came back home and watched tv together.  I had my dad help me unload a few more boxes, I switched around the placement of a couple mirrors, you know, the usual :)

Middle of the night, December 29th: I woke several times aware that I was having contractions.  This had happened a few other times over the past couple weeks, but these were a bit more bothersome, and I wasn't able to sleep through them quite so easily.  When I shared this with my mom the following morning, she was very eager for things to move along…she wanted to meet her newest grand baby before she had to fly home!  We figured we'd try timing my contractions, but they really didn't bother me enough to seem to warrant all the thinking and calculating that timing requires!  At this point they were somewhat irregular, lasting maybe 20-30 seconds, every 12-15 minutes or so.

9:30 am: My brothers stopped by the house before heading to Tahoe for the day.  They helped us move the rug from our bedroom to the dining room.  I was quite happy to have that taken care of :)  I went on a walk with my dad, hoping to encourage the contractions to progress, but not much really changed.

12:00 pm: Wade, my brother Graham, and I headed to the park near our house.  The sun was shining bright, and the temperature was in the upper 50's.  I was happy to sit on a bench and watch Graham and Wade play basketball.  I don't really recall being bothered by contractions.

1:00-3:00 pm  Philip and I discussed whether we'd go to church at 4:00 that afternoon.  I putzed around the house, played with Holland in the playroom some.  I remember it being such a mess in there and trying to get somewhat comfortable on that hard floor when a contraction would come.  My contractions seemed consistent enough to warrant me getting my hospital bag finalized though, so I worked on that and we debated about what to do next.

I still wasn't convinced things had progressed enough for me to head to the hospital, so we decided to try Nancy's little trick for speeding up labor:  climb stairs!  Problem was we had no steps in our house or anywhere nearby (I had already tried climbing around on the playground but that just proved kind of annoying.)  Philip was in the mood for some frozen yogurt, so we figured we'd kill two birds with one stone:  get yogurt and find some steps to climb.  We took some pics with the kids, and I remember telling my mom that we might come back home if things didn't pick up…

3:30 pm: Frozen yogurt stop.  I probably should have known it was a sign that I wasn't quite myself when I wasn't even in the mood for fro-yo!  Fun fact:  they didn't charge us for Philip's frozen yogurt when he explained that the reason I was leaning over and moaning was that I was in labor!  I think my contractions were about ten minutes apart at this point.

4:00 pm: We identified a parking garage on the UCDavis campus with a big 'ol set of stairs, and I set out climbing.  This helped speed things up, and my contractions started coming a little closer together.  I started having some that made me get down on all fours, so I knew we were headed in the right direction.  Not wanting to experience really hard labor in the car (been there, done that with Wade.  No fun!), we decided to head to the birth center.

4:30pm: Contractions were about 5-7 mins apart when we arrived at the birth center.  We talked with the staff about whether we were ready to officially check in.  I still felt like I could manage my contractions, and I knew I'd have to go through a cumbersome check-in process, so we decided to find some more stairs in the hospital.  I had a couple contractions on the floor of the hospital before we found a set of stairs in a different part of the hospital.

5:00 Finally, things were starting to get noticeably harder.  I found myself needing to stop and sway through contractions, and as I listened to my mix of labor music, I found pain relief by singing through my contractions.  As I reflect on this, it was really worshipful--the words I sang were offered to Jesus in praise and out of a place of very real need for Him.  I told myself I'd have five more contractions on the steps before we went to check in.

I exchanged texts with a friend back in Richmond who's a doula and decided it was time to check in.  I'm grateful for you Jenny!

Once we made our way into the birth center, it was apparent to the staff that things were too far along for the basic check-in procedure, so they ushered me right into a room.  I'm pretty sure I told them right away to fill that tub up (how thankful I was that there was an available room for me with a tub!).  They explained that the midwife needed to come see me first.  I was relieved to see the face of Jennifer Taylor, one of two midwives I had met!  I could have had any of 13 different midwives attend me, but I got the one I'd seen for two prenatal visits.  What a gift to me!

As I undressed to prepare for her to check me, I told Philip I was "having the feeling where I want to escape."  (That should have been a clue as to where things stood!)  Jennifer checked me, and hallelujah--I was fully dilated!  I was not expecting that news because honestly the pain had not yet gotten to where it felt completely unmanageable.  Jennifer gave the nurses the green light to fill up the tub.  She told me to listen to my body and push whenever I felt ready.

As I waited for the tub to fill, I leaned over it and told Jennifer that I didn't want to be scared to push my baby out.  This not being my first rodeo, I remembered the intensity of pushing and the overwhelming sensation of feeling completely out of control.  She told me I was safe and that I didn't have to think my way through it.  Such wise words.

5:20something:  Once in the water, I began to feel pushing urges come over me.  The best advice I've received for this part of labor is that you really don't have to actually push (this is also a great way to protect against tearing!).  Your body knows what to do; you just have to let it do it.  When a pushing contraction would come, I tried my best to follow my body's lead.  I threw up a couple times and made whatever noises my body wanted to make.  Pretty safe to say I sounded like a wild animal :)

I moaned and leaned over the edge of the tub, letting my body push my baby down.  I could feel her slide back up a bit after she'd descend during a contraction.  I remember trying to stay focused and present.  I knew to expect lots of pressure, even burning.  But I also knew that this baby was going to be born; I only needed to stay with each moment and we'd get there.  Philip reminded me to remember my breathing.  I breathed through horse-lips (like a little baby learning to blow raspberries!) and did my best to let each contraction come without fighting it.

Soon, I felt her crowning, followed by the unbelievable sensation where the burning meets relief and baby slides out!  I delivered her behind me, so Jennifer scooped her up and handed her to me.  I held her close in my euphoric state of relief and joy and a few moments later lifted her up and discovered that I'd had another girl!   I was over the moon at the gift of another daughter!

Mary Graham was born at 5:30 pm (looking back at the timeline, I'm stunned at how quickly things progressed in those last hours!), weighing 7 pounds and 14 ounces, 21 inches long.

My labor and her birth were undoubtedly marked by God's grace to me.  During a season of life that had been defined by transition after transition and lots of stress, her birth was anything but those things.  It never felt so difficult that I couldn't bear it.  My mind never scattered, even during the most intense part of transition and pushing.

I am so grateful that I was able to be fully present throughout my labor.  I remember what each part felt like and while it was overwhelming as birth can be, I was not afraid.  God was faithful to me, helping me to welcome the labor and to trust Him.  What a picture of our new life with sweet Mary Graham.  Welcome and trust.  A child we did not even know we needed, we now cannot imagine our lives without.  Thanks be to God for the gift of this precious baby girl.

Everyone was able to meet Mary Graham before my brothers and my dad flew home the following morning.

{I am also so thankful for my midwife, Jennifer Taylor and the wonderful and caring nursing and support staff at the Sutter Davis Birth Center.  All laboring women should be so blessed to be able to deliver their babies with the kind of thoughtful attention I received there.}

A Little Update + Three {New to me} Shops

I wanted to pop in and thank you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past week.  The silver lining of going through hard things such as this is all the love I've felt from friends near and far.  I've been so touched by the many people, some of whom I haven't talked to in ages, who have checked in and offered their support.  Thank you so much--strangely California doesn't feel so far from home because of all of you dear ones.

Actually, let me allow Mary Graham to thank you herself.

Her sweetness makes my heart ache.

Since I last wrote, Philip discovered the newly opened Eosinophilic Gastrointestinal Disorders Program through University of California San Francisco's Benoiff Children's Hospital.  Eosinophilic Esophagitis is one of four disorders in which they specialize and we were able to get a referral and a quick appointment--next week in fact!  Praise God!  We'll have allergy testing done next week.  I'm both grateful for the hope of answers from the testing and anxious about what we'll learn.  After much consideration, I chose to continue exclusively breastfeeding Mary Graham in the meantime.  Her weight seemed stable enough to justify it, and the benefits of breastmilk are obviously not to be discounted.   I did decide to take out more foods from my own diet (including many of the ones Wade has avoided for years), while we wait for allergy testing, which has proved very challenging.  I'm just really hungry.  Right when it begins to feel like it's just too hard, I watch my sweet baby drift off to sleep while she gazes up at me nursing, and I'd trade just about any food to be able to keep doing it.

trying out the bumbo (and sporting a sweater handmade by one of her great-grandmothers!)

Switching gears, I wanted to share three new (to me) online shops that have me so excited!  It just occurred to me that they all involve monograms! Ha!  All I have to say is this southern girl sure is glad these sweet things are available online!

Celerie & South

This beautiful shop was just opened by an online friend (btw, online friends are totally legit.  In case you were wondering :) who has fabulous taste.  She has a passion for monograms, so she is offering a collection of classic pieces for sale, all with the option to monogram of course.  You must check out all the monograms she has personally designed!  I think her site will be a go-to spot for me for gifts.

The Beaufort Bonnet Company

I discovered this company through Instagram and let me tell you--one look at their photos of sweet baby after sweet baby in a classic little bonnet and you will just die!  They sell other preciousness too, but the bonnets!  Oh the bonnets!  I may or may not have plans for my daughters to match on Easter!!!

The Threadbare Hare

Another discovery via Instagram.  Sara creates the most darling belts and dog collars!  I believe she has recently changed her business name, so she's still working on getting things situated on her etsy site, but definitely check back!  Ordering a belt for Wade is on my list!

An Update on Our Littlest Love {Prayers Needed!}

Oh friends, how we need your prayers.  Many of you know that Wade was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis when he was twelve months old.  EE is a complicated allergic GI disease that typically involves a long list of food allergies.  It's difficult to diagnose and to effectively treat.  The road to diagnosis for Wade was a really long and difficult one.  He was diagnosed as "failure to thrive," as he slipped farther down on the weight percentiles.  He would not eat, despite the trauma that was feeding therapy.   He saw several different doctors who had different approaches to this disease until we finally found the Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters in Norfolk, VA.  There, Pediatric GI and Allergy work together and more importantly, we respected their approach to treating patients with EE.  They were willing for us to try and work solely through food elimination vs. medication (there really is no medication indicated to treat EE, some are just used to control symptoms) and praise God, it worked!  Wade's eosinophil count essentially went away based on food elimination alone.  Granted, it was 18 foods, but we were so grateful.

Fast forward four years and we are fearing our precious Mary Graham may have EE.  Here's why:  At around four weeks (much sooner than Wade), she began to exhibit eczema on her cheeks.  I removed dairy from my diet, which seemed to help, but the eczema has come back and been harder to keep at bay.  The biggest sign that points to EE though is her dramatic drop in weight.  At two weeks, she remained in the 50th percentile in which she was born, by eight weeks, she had dropped to the 10th percentile, and by 11 weeks, she was in the fifth.  She is now considered failure to thrive, so the question remains as to why this is happening.  In almost all cases, the problem is intake (of milk), so the first thought is typically the mother's milk supply.  Our pediatrician raised this question at Mary Graham's eight week check up, but I felt sure that my milk supply was more than adequate.  I have pumped 3-4 ounces, and I experience all the signs of a strong milk supply.  What I have noticed more recently is that Mary Graham does not feed for a long time at each nursing session and often times it is not in a calm and satisfied manner.  She just does not take all that is available to her.  Our pediatrician was able to observe this at her most recent appointment.  This suggests she is uncomfortable and for whatever reason is choosing not to eat sufficiently.

With our family history for EE, it seems to us there is likely no other explanation for Mary Graham's dramatic drop in weight.  As you might imagine, my heart is breaking.  As we have begun to put the pieces together, it has felt like I am living in a fog, really.  Having just come through the challenging past six months of moving out here, renovating our house, and having a baby, I hardly feel I can handle another huge challenge.  I feel very alone out here, on the opposite side of the country from the doctors we came to trust with Wade.  There is no convenient children's hospital out here that would be an obvious first place for us to start.  To think my baby is hurting and I'm unsure what to do for her is killing me.

My desire in posting this is for people to pray.  Please pray with us and for us.  Here is how:

• I am planning on contacting Wade's old GI doctor back in VA first thing tomorrow morning to discuss Mary Graham.  We have not spoken in a couple years and she is a busy doctor.  Pray with me that a message can reach her and she will be compelled to call me back.  
• I want to get Mary Graham in for allergy testing ASAP.  My earnest prayer is that her list of foods would be relatively short and manageable for me to remove from my diet.  I want to breastfeed her with everything in me.  I nursed Holland for two and a half years; breastfeeding is one thing I feel I do well and really enjoy as a mother, and the thought of having that taken from me is unbelievably hard for me to bear.  
• While we wait to get allergy testing done, we are going to try and give MG elemental formula.  Please pray that she would take it and for my heart as I bottle-feed her.  As you might imagine, it's awful to try and nurse your baby fearing that it's hurting her to eat because of things that are in your milk.  
• Lastly, please pray for our family as we wrestle with what feels like hard thing after hard thing for us out here in CA.  If we truly believe that God is always good and He is in control, then none of this is by chance.  It is all the willful doing of a perfect and gracious God whose ways are not our ways.  I want to really believe that and to give thanks in all things, even those things that feel truly heartbreaking.  Would you pray that we would cling to God's promises for us in this difficult time?

Thank you for reading and thank you for caring about our family!

Mary Graham's Birth {The Backstory}

As I've been thinking about Mary Graham's birth, I'm finding that my mind can't help but go back to the weeks and months leading up to her birth and how memorable they were.  And let's be honest--the term 'memorable' is really a euphemism for intense, stressful, and challenging.  Granted, there were some sweet times too, but a cross-country move, a pregnancy, and a house purchase and renovation were never things I would have wanted to do at the same time.   Oh, and how about if we throw in the impending Christmas season too?

I was so excited for Wade and Holland to be at our 20-week ultrasound.

Sweet little peanut!

Somehow we made it through the fall, during which time we lived in temporary housing at Travis Air Force Base.  (I truly did not think I could make it another day in that place!)  My due date was December 23rd, and as the month of December plugged along, I basically begged the little one inside me for more time.  There was just so much to be done, and I knew how life changes drastically once there is a new tiny little person in the mix. This being my third child, with my other two having coming close to their due dates, I really didn't think I'd get a full 40 weeks out of this pregnancy.  Having had bouts of what felt like pre-term labor at 28 weeks (hello trip to Canadian ER and Labor & Delivery!) and again at 35 weeks, we were all expecting an early baby.  At 36 weeks, I had the midwife check me, and I was two centimeters dilated.

To post a picture like this I really must have no shame, right?  In my painting clothes, surrounded by chaos, and wearing a supportive maternity belly band, no less.  Livin' the dream!

Work continued to move along on our house, but with each day that passed, I felt like I was one day closer to reaching a deadline, at which point I knew everything would change.  Life felt anything but calm and settled.

This  picture was taken at 38 weeks.  I remember asking Philip to take it because I thought I'd surely be going into labor soon, and I wanted to make sure I had documented the end of my pregnancy.  Little did I know I had plenty of time…

There was also the matter of actually delivering the baby.  Now, I've had two babies before, so you might assume that the thought of having another one was no big deal to me.  Not so, my friends.  Giving birth is the most intense, hardest physical thing I've ever done.  I do think God graciously gave me a body that births efficiently, but still.  It's no joke.  I was also a bit uneasy about where I planned to deliver.  Holland was born at home with my wonderful midwife, Nancy Giglio back in Richmond, VA.  I would have loved to have been able to have another home birth, but unfortunately insurance made that choice cost-prohibitive.  I chose to deliver at the local hospital, where thankfully, they have a birth center staffed by midwives who truly do view pregnancy, labor, and delivery as a normal time in a woman's life and not an illness.  They didn't have many birthing rooms though (and only two had tubs), and one on-call midwife covered all the labor/delivery rooms as well as the post partum rooms.  Seemed like a far cry from the kind of intimate care I received from Nancy.

Made it to 39 weeks!

Well, my due date came and went.  The picture above was taken at my pre-natal appointment on my due date.  I was battling a bad cold and cough, and one of the midwives predicted baby may wait till I was healthy, as they often do.

My mom was already here, as evidenced by this photo she will likely love me posting :)  (We had just gotten pedicures :) The rest of my family arrived on Christmas Eve so that we could all spend the holiday together and they could meet the baby.  I will always remember the days leading up to Mary Graham's birth as time spent with my family, so I thought I'd share some photos from that time.

Here we are once everyone had arrived at the Sacramento Airport.

Uncle T!

Christmas Eve.

Brunch on Christmas Day.

Fun with Legos, a new obsession around our house!

Her delight over a special new bracelet from Mimi.

Impromptu push-up session for the men.  If you know my family at all, this kind of strange behavior isn't very surprising.

waiting on baby + grandparents in town = date night!

Too bad our new sofa hadn't arrived yet, as things got a little tight here.  I believe this crew was watching one of my dad's favorite movies, Roman Holiday.  

How could I leave out wrestling with Papa?!

It was great to have my family around, albeit a little strange knowing that at any moment labor would begin and I'd just go off and have a baby.  You know, no big deal.  Ha.  As the days ticked by, we began to wonder if they were going to be able to meet this baby after all.  Everyone was scheduled to fly out on Monday, December 30th, and baby seemed quite happy staying put.

Stay tuned...